It’s me, 27 year old Barbara. Tomorrow, you turn 17. In a few days, you’ll start your senior year of high school, which no doubt, will be the best year of your high school experience. You just came back from the most amazing trip of your life, where you spent 3 weeks in the land down under. You saw places that were beautiful beyond words and did things you never thought you’d ever do (feed a crocodile…hello?) and made some friends along the way. But this letter isn’t about the past, it’s about the future.

I’m writing to tell you that in the next 10 years a lot of things are going to happen. You’re going to be afraid, but you don’t have to be because I promise that everything will be ok. You tend to worry a lot and sorry to say, this trait doesn’t go away as you get older. If anything, it gets much worse.

You want to be a photographer when you graduate. Your favorite high school classes are the photography ones. Guess what? You become a photographer, but let me tell you something. Photography isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Yeah, it’s fun and you still enjoy it at 27, but you’ll discover your real passion in a few years. The internet. You’ll spend hours online teaching yourself how to create god awful Geocities sites. You’ll even buy a few domains and you’ll start your very first “blog”, which is basically just a geeky word for online journal.

You know all those friends you had in high school? You barely talk to any of them now. You all swore that the distance of moving to Florida from New Jersey wouldn’t change anything. You’d be BFF’s forever! You’ll keep in contact with a few friends for awhile, but the only way you know what’s going on with them is through Facebook (That will make sense in a few years.) Out of all those people you considered you’re friends, there’s only one you really care about, and you didn’t even go to the same school! In fact, you don’t become close until after you move to Florida! Funny how life works, right? He’s your best friend and in the next 10 years, you guys are going to do things that you’ll both be talking about for years. Through all this, you’ll realize the meaning of a true friend and grow apart from the people you were once so close to. And yeah, it’s a boy, not a girl. The older you get, the harder it is for you to have girl friends. You just get along with guys better.

Want to know about relationships? You haven’t had a serious boyfriend yet, but trust me, you’ll have your share of them. Can I give you some advice? Trust your gut, not your heart.

You’re going to have a few “starter relationships”, before you get into one that will change your outlook on life forever. Please listen to me when I say this: Get out of it the first time you have doubts it’s not going to work. If you don’t, you’ll experience such intense heartbreak and stress over and over again. You’ll start to feel like you aren’t the same person anymore. Because you won’t be. Your family will see this, your friends will see this. Even your coworkers will notice. The only person that won’t notice how much you’ve changed is you.

You’ll be in love for the first time and you’re going to think that you have to change for him. Don’t. It’s not worth it. I promise you that love doesn’t have to be this way. Relationships take compromise and sacrifice, but that doesn’t mean you have to completely change everything about yourself. It will take a few more tries, but I promise that you’ll find a love that is real and unlike anything you’ve experienced in the past. He’ll love and accept you for who you are and won’t even think about trying to change you.

You have big dreams for yourself, but you’ve always been afraid to take that first step. I know it’s scary, but it’s ok to take chances. You won’t succeed in everything, but for the most part, you do pretty well. Stop being so hard on yourself. If you just relax a little bit, I promise that things will fall in place. Don’t be afraid to go for your dreams. The older you get, the more swagger you get. You’ll start to realize that there’s a lot that you CAN do well. You’ll want your piece of the pie and you’ll start going after it. You’re only regret is that you didn’t go after it sooner, so don’t be afraid. GO FOR IT NOW.

You aren’t making a big deal over this birthday. In fact, you won’t throw a party or do anything exceptional until you turn 27 (when you’re friend throws a party that’s going to be awesome). You’ve never made a big deal about turning a year older. It’s not your style. Have a great 17th birthday Barbara. Remember to always trust your gut, relax a bit and stop being so damn hard on yourself.

Happy Birthday!

Love,
Your Future Self

Tags: birthdays, letters to myself, life, me

This weekend was fairly low key for us, but it’s exactly what I wanted considering next weekend is “The Angie/Barbara Super Awesome Birthday Extravaganza” (that’s what I’m calling it). I’ve been getting lots of emails from restaurants offering me free stuff for my birthday, so Dave and I decided to take advantage and went on a dinner and movie date Saturday night. We ate dinner at GrillSmith and saw The Expendables. The dinner was good and the movie was basically just an hour and a half of crazy stunts and things being blown up. Perfect if you like action movies and don’t really care about the plot of a movie. Also, Jason Statham=HOT.

Also, I redesigned my portfolio site. Check it out! I’m pretty proud of this project. Let me know what you think.

Wow, my birthday is just 2 days away!

Tags: birthdays, daily, GrillSmith, life, me, The Expendables

My 27th birthday is in exactly a week. Normally the thought of turning a year older makes me miserable and moody and I usually end up crying on my birthday over nothing in particular except the fact that I am a year older. My friend Angie’s birthday is the day before mine and she was all, “WHAT ARE WE DOING FOR OUR BIRTHDAY’S! WE HAVE TO HAVE A BIG BIRTHDAY BASH!!” and I was like “Meh, I dunno. I don’t usually make a big deal about my birthday” and she goes “OH C’MON WE HAVE TO GO OUT AND PARTY AND INVITE OUR FRIENDS AND IT’LL BE THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!” And then she waved her hands in the air really fast.

I told her if she wanted to have a party I was down as long as I didn’t have to do any party planning because I’m lazy and anything that involves me talking to people, organizing and sending invitations gives me anxiety and then I end up saying “fuck it, let’s just go to the local dive”.

Two days later, that whore had the whole thing planned. Location picked, invitations sent, bottle service and VIP. “Bitch,we’re partying like rock stars at Aja and it’s going to be SO MUCH FUN!” (her words, not mine). Tonight I went out with her, my sis and our friend Deb and they watched my try on dress after dress until I eventually picked out the one I liked at Macy’s, the first store we went to, of course. I was totally out of my comfort zone, but didn’t have anxiety, feelings of stress, or any major OMG I HATE MY BODY I AM SO UGLY meltdowns (that’s what Spanx are for). I actually kind of enjoyed it.

For the first time in a long time, I’m looking forward to my birthday. I’m putting on my dress and heels, doing my hair and makeup, and proudly shouting to the world “I’m 27 bitches!!” I can’t wait. Hopefully, there will be no tears this year.

Thank you Angie for setting this all up and giving me something to look forward to this year.

Tags: Aja Wiregrass, birthdays, friends, life, me, parties