Back when I was in college, I used to frequent an Irish Pub located a few blocks down the street. My friend and I used to go there at least 2 times a week. We quickly got to know the other regulars and what days certain bartenders were working. It was like Cheers, everybody knew our names.

One night, after an impossible day of classes and projects and an asshole “academic advisor” that repeatedly kept fucking with my life, I decided I needed a drink.

While I was in class, I text messaged my friend to see if she wanted to meet me up there, but unfortunately, she was at work. I’m normally not the type of person that can go to a bar, or anywhere for that matter, by myself. The anxiety I get when walking into a room full of strangers is enough to make me have a panic attack, but I really needed to get my mind off the chaos that was going on around me. Besides, this was my place and it was Thursday. I was bound to know someone there.

I walked into the bar alone and quickly saw one of the regulars. He introduced me to this girl whose name I can’t remember. We all began playing darts together. He told me that there were some people from Blue Moon there giving away free pints of beer. Beer and free in the same sentence? Sounded good to me. He went and got us all a round.

We were talking and playing darts and drinking our free beers when all of the sudden it just hit me. That HORRIBLE, ungodly, “OMG I’m going to puke right now” feeling. I had no idea where it came from, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was nowhere close to being drunk, having only had half a Blue Moon. I don’t even remember eating anything strange for dinner that night. That puke feeling was there though. It was coming and I had to think of a way to get out of it.

The bathroom was clear across the bar. The front door had like 15 people, including the bouncer that saw me at least twice a week, in front of it. There wasn’t a trash can in sight. Shit. I could feel it rising in my throat.

In an effort not to be seen, I quickly turned my back towards my friends into a place where the light wasn’t really hitting. And I puked. In my pint glass.

Thank god it wasn’t a lot of puke. It went right to the brim. I was actually impressed with how well I managed to get it all in the glass. Only a little bit splashed out and landed on one of the bar stools.

I quickly went to the bathroom to wash out my mouth, hands, and puke filled pint glass. There were little beverage napkins right by where we playing darts. The plan was to clean up and come back, beverage napkins in hand, and clean the stool. I didn’t want to be a jerk and leave my favorite place dirty. No one would even notice!

When I came back from the bathroom, no one seemed to notice I had left. The girl whose name I can’t remember, did however, place her purse right on top of my puke stained stool.

Shit.

Do I move the purse and clean it up? No. If I did that, she’d probably think I was trying to steal from her or would notice that the stool was covered in my gross puke.

Do I pretend like I have no idea what happened when she eventually picks up her purse and notices it has puke stains on it? No. I’m a terrible actress.

Do I lie and say I have to work early tomorrow and bail out of there so I don’t have to witness anything? Yes, Barbara, go with option 3.

I politely said my goodbyes and got out of there as quickly as possible. I never found out the outcome of that night, but girl whose name I can’t remember, if you were wondering why there was puke all over your purse when you left, it was me. Sorry.

Tags: alcohol, bars, life, puke, TMI

This week went by so fast for me. It feels like just yesterday I was making a post about cereal. Days/Weeks/Months seems to go by so fast the older you get.

Last night Dave, Chrissy, Bob and I went downtown to a new wine bar that was recommended by one of Dave’s coworkers. This place was fun because you could out money on a card and stick it into a machine that would give you 1oz. samples of wine. I not a big wine drinker and don’t know much about what goes well with what, so I like a place that gives me options. I dated a guy that was one of the people that would recommend what wines would go well with your meal at a fancy restaurant. It was cool when we would go out to dinner because he always picked good wines to drink, but unfortunately none of that knowledge stuck with me. We spent about an hour sampling different wines from all over the world and reminiscing.

Best line of the night came from Bob: “It smelled like if shit could take a shit.” *heaps of laughter*

After we drank all of the money on our card, we decided to walk down the block to a dive bar called “The Hub”. I like dive bars because they are generally a lot less expensive then fancy places and they aren’t stingy on their alcohol. This place was no exception. Chrissy took 2 sips of her fruity vodka drink and said she didn’t want anymore because it was too strong.

*Side note…just because I know my mom reads this. Chrissy drove us home. Those 2 sips were the only thing she drank all night, so you don’t have to worry about me dying or anyone getting a DUI. Love you.*

We got home and I passed out until 10 this morning. I took Chrissy and Dave to breakfast, then we went to Ikea because Chrissy had never been. She ended up buying a few things and is now as addicted to the store ad Dave and I are.

I dropped Chrissy off at home and then Dave took me to my eye doctor appointment. I haven’t been to an eye doctor in a good 10 years or so and lately I’ve been getting headaches which I think are mostly due to the fact that I stare at a computer screen most of the day. The doctor said I had some trouble focusing, but my vision was pretty good. She told me magnifying reading glasses would work best for me, so I’m going to pick up a cheap pair. I’m so lucky that I take after my father when it comes to my vision. he’s had 20/20 pretty much his whole life. My mother on the other hand has such horrible vision that at one point in her life she was wearing glasses on top of contacts.

Tonight, Dave and I are going to see a live performance of The Rocky Horror Picture Show that one of my coworkers is in. I’ve seen the show live once before a few years ago and enjoyed it. It’s only $7, they have a full menu and full liquor bar, and it’s something different. Should be fun times…as long as I take a nap beforehand.

Tags: bars, downtown, family, friends, fun, life, outings, wine