It’s the end of a long work week, which means it’s time for the best part of our sad, pathetic and boring lives: WTF Friday! For previous WTF Friday posts, click here.

I started WTF Friday talking about the latest new craze in the celebritard world, vajazzling, so I know what you may be thinking. How on earth can I top vaginas that sparkle?! Trust me, internet. I shall not let you down. In fact, I might have a hard time topping this one.

As I was staring into a half-empty carton of Five Guys hand cut french fries, watching the ketchup mix the cholesterol, I thought to myself “This just doesn’t cut it for dinner”. There’s got to be a better, healthier way. So I started Googling recipes and cookbooks and FEAR NOT INTERNET! For I have found a healthy, and PERFECTLY NATURAL way to enjoy a home-cooked meal. It’s in a tasty little book called Natural Harvest. “What’s this?” you may ask yourself. “NATURAL? This isn’t another hippie cook book full of “100 ways to eat granola, is it?” No, let me finish. The full title is Natural Harvest – A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes.

You heard me.

In their own words:

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food.

The authors describe the book as “the perfect holiday gift for that special cook in your life.” Just imagine, that warm Christmas morning. Little Timmy runs downstairs and sees the pile of presents under the tree. Tearing through the wrapping paper like a rabid badger, he suffers a momentary loss of bloodlust as he spies a flat, hard present that says To Mommy: From Daddy. “Here mommy, I think this is for you.” “That’s odd…” she says. “Daddy and I have been divorced for four years…” And as the yule tide soundtrack plays throughout the air, we see daddy in the bushes awaiting to help mommy “cook”. Don’t you just love the holidays??

Some of the recipes in this book, that surely belongs in the Library of Congress, include a Man Made Oysters, Tuna Sashimi with Special Dipping Sauce (oh God no) and the Almost White Russian. Ugh I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit… Hey, maybe I should make a book about vomit based recipes!! Then I’ll get a book deal, become famous and rate people’s dishes on the Food Network! I could call it From One Stomach To Another – How to Cook With An Empty Stomach. What a genius idea!!!

To learn more about the book, or if you want to get your Christmas shopping done early this year, click here.

Filed under: WTF Friday by Barbara
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