I have been preoccupied with the world series, which in my opinion, was one of the most boring World Series’ ever. And that’s not just because my team lost. By game 3, I think everyone knew the Yankee’s were going to win it. Philly fans still had that glimmer of hope in their eyes, but in the back of our heads we were all going, “We’re so fucked.” And the fans sucked. Yeah, the Philly fans were their typical asshole selves, but since most of the games were in New York and the only people that can afford a ticket to Yankee stadium are the mayor and Katie Couric, the fans were boring. I’m sure it was more exciting there then they could have ever showed on TV, but all in all I wasn’t impressed.
I have pretty much everything out of my condo except for a sofa bed and a big screen TV. (If anyone needs either, please take it!) Currently most of my crap is sitting on the floor in various rooms at Dave’s house. This place is now my home. This home is nice. Coming home to him waiting for me is nice, making dinner is nice, getting ready for work in the morning is nice. When I think about it, this is all I’ve ever really wanted.
Some people have asked me what I would do if things didn’t work out. And my response to that is I’d move back home. Back to the armpit of America. Back to Dirty Jersey. Not that I think that’s going to happen. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ll be with Dave for the rest of my life or I wouldn’t have even committed to this, but it’s something that you can’t help but think about. So if we broke up and I was alone with nowhere to go, I’d move back home because quite honestly, there’d be nothing here for me that would make we want to stay. I’d miss my family, but they could visit and I could visit. There’s more opportunity for me up there. I’d be close to two of greatest cities in the world and I’d have people, my people, that would help get me out of the deep depression I’d be in. I remember how awful I felt when I broke up with my ex for good. I couldn’t get him out of my head. Anything and everything I saw reminded me of him. I’d avoid certain places for a fear I might see him. There’s the people that say, “Just move on…” That’s like telling an alcoholic to just stop drinking or an anorexic to just eat something. You can’t JUST move on.
The downward spiral I went through was too much to bare at times. There were days I didn’t want to get out of bed and days where all I wanted to do was get out of the house. I know if this didn’t work I would be 10x worse. So I’d have to go where my people are, where I’m comfortable, where I could make a decent life for myself, and where I could drown my sorrows in a Yuengling and a tastycake. I’d go back home because as dirty and smelly as home is, it’s still home. And home would be better than here.
That’s the worst case scenario though. The scenario that I’m 95% sure will never happen. As of right now, I have everything I could ever want. I’m happy and I don’t see me getting anything but more happiness. And who am I kidding, shoveling snow again would totally suck.