Before the trip to Vegas, I went to Barnes and Noble and picked up “Chocolate Please” by Lisa Lampenelli, one of my favorite comedians. I think the world needs more Lisa Lampenelli’s; people that aren’t afraid to say exactly what they are thinking. Some people think that these people are just assholes and the people that follow them and support them are assholes with less talent. Well, those people can suck it.
So I’m sitting in the seat on the plane (The one that’s no bigger than a seat on a roller coaster at Busch Gardens. Seriously, when are they going to change that?) heading to Dallas reading this book with a hot pink and yellow cover and pictures of a half naked black guy holding a birthday cake by his crotch and I get to the part where she talks about Sears Portrait Studio…
Taking a trip to the Sears Portrait Studio is equal in stress to going to the cemetary to bury the family pet-only with Sears you get to bring home reminders that last generations.
First of all, it is impossible for anyone being photographed at a Sears Portrait Studio to look his best. Because the Sears photographer is only a Sears photographer because it pays more than being a Sears cashier. Simply put, he has the artistic eye of Helen Keller.
I actually feel sorry for those kids that work at the Sears Portrait Studio. They spend all day dealing with crying and whining and people shitting their pants-and that’s just the mothers who are unhappy with how the photos look. If I ever met one of these entitled soccer twats, I’d sat, “Hey lady, don’t bitch at the nineteen-year-old photographer because your baby looks ugly. You should have married better.”
And with that said, there’s a very good chance I’ll be working weekend at the Sears Portrait Studio again this year for the remainder of the season. Nothing is finalized yet, but I had a half hour conversation with my old boss the other day and she’d love to have me back since all her old staff moved (Probably due to the screaming and whining.).I’ll probably be starting in November. Get ready Christy. It’s gonna be one hell of a ride. Bring it bitches.