My first week of kindergarten I cried every single day. My parents never sent me to preschool, so kindergarten was my first experience away from home in an environment with other kids and people trying to get me to learn. I remember parts of that first week and all the kids in my class staring at me like “Why is she crying AGAIN”. And my teacher, Ms. Faber, giving me the muppet stuffed animal that I used to cry my eyes out in. I remember just not wanting to be away from home and in this new environment that was different from the safety and security of my house with my mom and my dad and my little sister.
I’m a creature of habit. There. I said it. I don’t like drastic changes. Shit, I had my old car for 10 DAMN YEARS. Who do you know that keeps a car for 10 years? Me, that’s who. Because I don’t like changing things. I like doing things a certain way and at a certain time. Lately, if my schedule gets deviated in any way I get upset. Like the whole thing with the car. It really upset me that I had to spend my weekend test driving cars and had to GOD FORBID BUY ONE. And then I had to wake up early to take it back to the dealer to get my tint fixed!! (another story for another time) Are you KIDDING ME!? Weekends aren’t supposed to be spent buying cars.
During the week, it’s much worse. I wake up at 7:30, hit snooze once, then actually get up, go take a shower and get ready for work. Check my email before leaving at 8:20. Work til 12:15, then take my hour lunch. After work drive home, go to gym. Go home, make dinner, check emails and play around on the internet. Go upstairs at 11 to watch Chelsea then fall asleep watching Conan O’Brien.
I realize after re-reading that last paragraph that I sound like I should be committed. It sounds worse than it actually is, I suppose. This kind of behavior runs in my family. My grandmother is so regimented that my family hardly ever sees her. She sticks to her schedule and any deviations require at least a 3 week notice. SO YOU BETTER NOT DIE OR ANYTHING.
I always told myself I would never get as bad as she is. I would never let my “schedule” deter me from the spontaneity that is life. And I’m really not that bad. Honestly, I’m not. But I feel like my schedule lately is consuming me, and preventing me from doing the things that I actually want to do. I get so anxious if there are any deviations to my plan for the day. It really bothers me if I have to schedule in something or do something out of the norm. I have plans to work on some updates to this site as well as my portfolio. I have totally been slacking on writing anything for themugshow (sorry Joel, I promise I’ll contribute!). It’s not that I don’t have the time, because I do. I just have this routine and these things, that are more important than the other crap I’m doing, aren’t in the routine.
I think I just need a break, so it’s good that I’m going on vacation Sunday. I hope to feel better, refreshed, and less routine afterward.